I'm out of the cancer bake sale doghouse!

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 10/20/2015 at 12:13 • Filed to: None

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Yesterday I told you about !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! sale that I “volunteered” (after being guilt tripped) to both buy things for and sell those things. Well today, I got out of the bake sale doghouse, and I only sort of tried to do it!

Now I don’t want you to think that I actually was thoughtful enough to decide to go to the store and buy crap for this bake sale. Nooo sir, I definitely didn’t think to do that.

I left work and hit up Best Buy to use a $10 reward certificate on a price-matched-with-Amazon microSD card, and Nordstrom Rack next door because I’m a sneaker addict and occasionally Nordstrom Rack has random good finds like a size 13 pair of !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! for only 60 bucks (original MSRP: $210)!

Definitely wasn’t thinking about the bake sale at either of these stores!

I didn’t buy the Flightposites, because like all members of the Nike Foamposite family, while being particularly popular among folks from the DC area which is my native land where I grew up before I moved to Wisconsin, they are very narrow. I wear an 11 extra-wide shoe, and most fun sneakers that don’t come in widths I buy a size 12. Even these size 13s were a bit on the narrow side for me. So instead I bought a dress shirt that I can wear to work, for 20 whole dollars.

Then I rushed home, quick vacuumed the first floor of my townhouse because my gf wanted me to do the vacuuming on Sunday and I was already a day behind, went to the gym, and on my way home I stopped at Target, thinking in my post-gym brain haze where my IQ drops by 50 points, “I need to buy shampoo, and cheddar cheese.”

Still wasn’t thinking about the bake sale while I vacuumed or worked out!

As I walked through the grocery section of Target, I saw them surrounded in a shiny halo of light: Halloween cookies! OOOOHHHHHH THAT’S RIGHT I’M SUPPOSED TO BUY SHIT FOR THAT FUCKING BAKE SALE! I promptly grabbed a tray of Halloween cookies, and some chocolate chip cookies (FRESHLY BAKED IN-STORE, no less)! This morning I showed cancer bake sale lady my baked goods, and she is happy, and all is right with the world.

I still might go back to Nordstrom Rack and buy those Flightposites, because scoring them for 60 bucks could very well be worth the many, many, many eye rolls I would receive from my gf about them. Maybe I’ll flip them on eBay.

PS9 > Textured Soy Protein 10/20/2015 at 12:24

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Next time, here’s how you handle this.

Coworker: (4th time asking)Hey, it would be great if you helped me out with this cancer bake sale thing. I mean, it’s not much to ask given that cancer patients have it way worse than we d-
AtlasM: I donated $1k last month to St. Judes. I TOLD YOU NO 3 TIMES, NOW FUCK OFF ALREADY.
Coworker: I...oh. Uhh. Okay..then.

Svend > Textured Soy Protein 10/20/2015 at 12:27

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So you placated her by buying cookies for them to sell.

That’s telling her. Doh.

Lol. Well at least your out the doghouse.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Textured Soy Protein 10/20/2015 at 12:32

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The shoes aren’t my style but they are pretty neat - I do enjoy a fresh pair of kicks, but my only problem is that all my favourites are suede. Is there a slight chance of rain? Can’t wear them. I live in Canada so there’s snow for half the year: can’t wear them. Gonna be going somewhere dusty or dirty? Can’t wear them.

It’s all worth it when I get that summer day where the skies are blue, the sun shines bright and rain is impossible, I love wearing them.

Which reminds me, I really need to get new leather sneakers since they're all worn out (to the point where some parts have been superglued together).

Textured Soy Protein > PS9 10/20/2015 at 12:32

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Here’s how it went down:

People planned a bake sale a while ago, and talked about it from time to time.

I went to my cousin’s wedding and was out of the office Fri 10/9 and Mon 10/12. Sign-up sheets were placed on the break room fridge sometime during my absence.

Tuesday 10/13, I got my coffee, maybe glanced at the sign up sheet juuuust long enough to see it was already full of volunteers. Before I could finish my first cup of coffee, cancer bake sale lady came by my desk:

“WHAT ARE YOU BRINGING FOR THE BAKE SALE?!?!?!?! YOU COULD BAKE COOKIES, OR BARS, OR BROWNIES, OR BANANA BREAD! WHAT CAN YOU DO????”

Me: “I uh, um, I dunno if I really have the time to do mass quantities of baking, I go to the gym a lot and I’m gonna be out of town this coming weekend, is there some other way I can help?

Cancer bake sale lady: “Can you sell the bake sale stuff next Wednesday?”

Me: “Sure.”

And then she commenced with all the guilt tripping both behind my back and directly, with multiple follow-ups asking me to bake things even though I already said no.

Ultimately, my other coworker who suggested buying things for the bake sale instead of baking things saved my ass from any further guilt trips. Like, who knew you could buy stuff for a bake sale? Here I was, thinking you had to actually, you know, bake stuff.

Textured Soy Protein > Svend 10/20/2015 at 12:36

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Stopping the guilt trips and nagging was totally worth the 8 bucks I spent on those cookies that I didn’t even really set out to buy and only remembered to buy when they were literally staring me in the face.

Textured Soy Protein > gin-san - shitpost specialist 10/20/2015 at 12:39

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I spray my suede sneakers with Kiwi suede & nubuck protector, but I still avoid wearing them in bad weather. I’m just going to remind myself that I still need to buy these and skip the Flightposites.

Svend > Textured Soy Protein 10/20/2015 at 12:45

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With women, you pick the battles you want to win, the others (most of them) you cash in a few man card points.

PS9 > Textured Soy Protein 10/20/2015 at 12:46

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Here’s how I would have handled that.

Annoying-ass coworker: I’M HAVING A BAKE SALE FO-
PS9: I don’t bake things. Not interested.
Annoying-ass coworker: BUT IT’S FOR CANCER! YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO HELP PEOPLE WITH CANCER!?
PS9: Sure I do. That’s why I donate to cancer research charities on a monthly basis. I’ve been doing that for going-on-10-years now.
Annoying-ass Coworker: I...oh. Well...you could also-
PS9: No. Look at all the names on that sheet. You don’t need anymore baked goods for this sale which is going to be a huge success no matter what. I don’t bake things. Not interested.

...

Annoying-ass coworker: I can’t believe you don’t want to help people with cancer.
PS9: ...and I can’t believe you think repeatedly bringing this up to me is going to yield you a yes when I’ve already told you no multiple times. Listen. Remember in high-school that one guy you always hung with who wanted to take things to the next level, and you didn’t so you told him no, and he went on trying anyway, and you got really creeped out by his repeated advances?
Annoying-ass coworker: What? This is...what does that have to do with-
PS9: Right now, you are that guy. NOT EVEN FOR CANCER IS IT OKAY FOR YOU TO BE THAT GUY. Understand?
Annoying-ass coworker:...
PS9: Good! I guess we’re done here. * walks away, zero fucks given*

Textured Soy Protein > Svend 10/20/2015 at 12:47

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I totally earned extra man card points by going to the gym and picking up and putting down heavy things before I bought those cookies.

Textured Soy Protein > PS9 10/20/2015 at 12:51

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I couldn’t use your strategy because it’s well known throughout the office that I’m an excellent cook and even did it professionally for a while.

Me: “I don’t bake.”

Cancer bake sale lady: “Didn’t you tell me you used to bake all kinds of stuff when you worked in the kitchen at that fancy restaurant? Last week you brought in zucchini bread muffins!”

Svend > Textured Soy Protein 10/20/2015 at 13:02

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Lol.

PS9 > Textured Soy Protein 10/20/2015 at 13:14

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Well THERE’S your problem. You tell everyone at work about all the awesome stuff you’re good at, and they’ll come round looking to use your talents and skills without offering anything in return. They’ll even act offended when you turn them down, as if your time and energy are just theirs to play with. Nuts to that.

At the jobs I work at, one or two people know me on that level, and it’s usually someone in management who doesn’t have the time/inclination to congregate with the rest of us down the chain. Everyone else is a stranger. They don’t know much beyond my first name, and that’s it.

I learned the hard way what happens when you let everyone in; for the first few months of my first job, I was doing $15/hr work for minimum wage. I got sick of it and told the dude at the electronics department to stop sending people my way when they needed that kind of help. It got so bad that even other coworkers acted like that was just my function at work, and they could come to me to get it for free. Again, nuts to that.

The manager asked my why I stopped doing that, and I told him, “You want someone with that skill set? Hire them at the current market rate. Otherwise, No. Most don’t come to these places for that kind of advice, and this location is no bloody different.” Me and him were enemies until I left that job, but I have no fucks to give for that. I’d rather have enemies outside the perimeter of my life than users who have no appreciation for me and nothing equivalent to bring to the table within it.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Textured Soy Protein 10/20/2015 at 14:10

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I use a spray protector as well but I use that as a precaution rather than as a shield against any dirt, water, etc.

Coincidentally, I was thinking of my red suede NBs when I posted my first reply. I think they’re the 574s (if that doesn’t exist, then it’s some other shoe that starts with a ‘5’) and they’re incredibly comfortable and great to look at.

I'd buy another pair of NBs but I think they're all suede or leather/suede mixes - I need one that's all leather with a rubber sole. My next pair will likely be a pair of all black Adidas Stan Smiths - such a classic.

Textured Soy Protein > gin-san - shitpost specialist 10/20/2015 at 14:48

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I have burgundy suede 574s, among other suede NBs.

As for white leathers there are a couple on my radar at the moment...

Born & Raised x Reebok Classic Leather

Vans Vault OG Sk8 Hi LX “Marshmallow”